Sincerely, Tiger Woods
Dear DD -
First off, fuck you, I can sleep with whoever I want to, whenever I want to! Is that understood? I am the sizzle and you will not tell me otherwise or I will chop your head off with my nine iron.
Secondly, how the hell did the voicemail I left my girl (no, not my wife, my girlfriend you idiot!) get leaked to the public? I mean, it was a private conversation. What business is it of anyone else if I want to cheat on my wife, crash my car or buy blow from hookers?
Finally, I would like to remind you that I am fucking Tiger Woods. You should consider yourself lucky to have been graced by a god amongst men! Can you not be thankful for the gift that is me and stop judging me based on my indiscretions?
I hope all is well with you.
Sincerely,
Tiger Motherfuckin’ Woods
